(no subject)

“Be like water,” he typed. I could imagine his eyes squinting with concentrated thought. “Even when rocks are tossed into it, there are ripples but the body stays the same.”

People collect the weirdest advice when going through a breakup.

“Don’t think about it. Don’t think about me – they are just trouble. Just say no,” one of my girlfriends tells me.

Don’t think about pink elephants! What are you thinking about? Pink elephants. And how do you just catch a thought and destroy it? No, Mr. Thought, you are intruding. Get the hell out before I call an extinguisher.

“Some people are just… bad people,” one of my guy friends tells me. “In his case, a really bad person.”

Fabulous! I loved the man, what does that say about me?

“He’s clearly disturbed.”

Perhaps this isn’t a case where opposite attract.

“I’m sorry. His loss.”

Sometimes less is more.


“You know, that really breaks my heart to hear,” he says, stirring his drink.

“Why is that? It happens. People use you,” I muttered, frowning.

“It shouldn’t happen to you.” There’s a look in his eye I have seen occasionally. It’s protective, intense. I look away.

“It did, and it has before. I’ve never had somebody fall in love with me. I’ve never had that experience.”

“Out of everybody I know, you deserve it. You really, really do.”


10 ways to improve your quality of life

1. Think daily. Meditate. Call it what you will but spend time each day alone with your thoughts. This surely isn’t the first time you’ve heard that advice, there’s a reason for that! There’s also a reason that this is the first step in the list. Doing the other things in the remaining nine suggestions without taking some time to reflect almost negates any benefit gained elsewhere.

2. Get in the zone. Not only will these be your most productive moments in life (the 20% of the time where you accomplish 80% of the results) but it will be a boost to your confidence that will alter the decisions you make elsewhere in life.

3. Make it a point to do something bold every day. Step out of your comfort zone, leave the routine even if for only a second. This might mean talking to someone that you generally wouldn’t talk to or starting a project that you feel intimidated by. There is no need to plan it in advance–though that might help at times, usually though you’ll find a point during the day when ‘two paths diverge in the woods’ and you have the change to take the one less travelled by. Take it.

4. Learn something new. Pick a topic, preferably something you know nothing about and learn something about it. A good source of inspiration for this can be the newspaper or Wikipedia. It helps to retain it if you have time to make a note of what you learned or explain it to someone else, but even if you don’t get the chance to do that, your brain will thank you for the new patterns you introduce as you learn something new every day.

5. Debate something. If you think you know about something, nothing will prove it like arguing it with someone who’s smarter or more informed than you. Find a friend you can debate with who has ideas that are different from your and who won’t be offended by debating them–this is easier said than done, but it can provide you with some of the best mental stimulation possible.

6. Spend time with a child. If you have one, consider yourself lucky, if you don’t, I bet you have friends who would be happy to let you borrow theirs for a few minutes (or hours). It doesn’t matter what age they are, children see the world entirely different. Look at it from their eyes. Be their hero. Appreciate what they appreciate. Enjoy the simple things again. You’ll love it and they’ll love you for it.

7. Go outside. If you don’t naturally spend time outside, make it a point to do it more. There’s something about the expanse of the sky that will bring out your inner philosopher.

8. Recognize what makes you happy. Reflect on the parts of your day that bring you real satisfaction. Everyone is working towards something, but what makes you happy now? Rate your overall satisfaction with your quality of life for each day on a scale of 1 to 10, focus on the things that happened that pushed the number higher rather than what made it lower. Try to incorporate more of what made you happy yesterday into today.

9. Stop broken thoughts. Broken thoughts are those subtle patterns that aren’t quite big enough to fall into the bad habits category. This means that despite their harmful effect they often escape under the radar. Broken thoughts often take the form of justifications. Examples? I’m just going to leave my dish here by the sink, I’ll wash it later (when you know your spouse will end up washing it). I’m bookmarking this article to read later (how often do you ever go back and read old bookmarked articles?). I’ll hang my shirt up later (when you know it will be there for a week before you touch it).

10. Don’t stress about it.


(no subject)

You are attempting a very difficult task— mastering of human emotions! I will tell you that there is not a simple, quick fix to feeling like you have control over your emotions. If there was I would bottle it and sell it! So, I guess I can only share from personal experience what things have helped me in this area.

First of all, I find that the book of Psalms in the Bible is an excellent example of expressing emotions to God. I don’t know your spiritual beliefs, but for me the book of Psalms has soothed my soul over and over again. The author of the book was named David and he was a very emotional guy. He poured out his unhappiness to God and then found that God responded and gave him peace! I have found the same to be true for me. When I write out my emotions or even talk them out loud to God, He often reassures my heart with a comforting word.

The worst thing to do with emotions is to constantly badger ourselves for feeling them. They are not under our direct control. Meaning we can’t just turn them on or off at will. The more we get upset with ourselves for not being able to control our emotions, the worse they will bother us. It literally starts a cycle of adrenaline and frustration in our bodies when we do this to ourselves. Our thoughts and beliefs fuel our emotions. I will attach a list of common misbeliefs and cognitive distortions that often lead to emotions getting stuck. Check them out and see if any may be causing your emotional pain.

Acceptance is key to releasing emotions. Beings ok with the fact that they are present and trusting that they will resolve in their own time. Emotions come and go. Being gentle and patient with them even as you try to figure out what message they are trying to send you. God gave us emotions for a purpose. They are kinda like instrument panel in a car. Emotions are the ‘check engine’ light so to speak.

Check out those sites and see what you think. I haven't thoroughly investigated the sites, but I just saw that they had the basics of what I was trying to explain to you.

Thanks so much for sharing with me. I hope you can find peace.

God bless you,

christmas time is here.

love actually is all around. except when it's not.

this holiday season is rough. i'm still trying to figure out what/how i feel about aaron and what i want to happen there. part of me still wants to date him. part of me knows it will not happen, and i can't push him into it. he's going to do what he's going to do.

my roommate hates me. i want to move out.

i'm back in elkhart, where nothing happens. i'm tired.. spent the night at julia's last night after watching elf and love actually. i'm frustrated in many, many ways.

life, what do you want from me?

  • Current Mood
    blah blah


Linked by lightly caressing feet and toes,

Fastened ankles enclosed by tender hands,

Tied shins wound around as they quake and stand,

Intertwined thighs braid and weave as they doze,

Pressed to the hips that quivered and rose,

Arched to the back hugged by hands that spanned,

They broke by the collarbone bent and banned.

Above sheltered ribs, hidden heart enclosed,

Lips murmured fake plastic plants and trees.

Spooned coated souls dipped, unclear and veneered,

She’s shaded beneath and unable to see.

Seeking to please he is down on his knees:

“Shun and evade the collarbone, m’dear,

One final kiss before I disappear.”


broken hearts

iChing reading for the moment:

The Marrying Maiden:

In relationships, desires lead to misfortune. Behave with discipline and balance.

Keui Mei is concerned with the guidelines for the proper conduct of relationships, whether they be social, romantic or work related. The image here is of thunder rolling the surface of a lake, and it suggests that relationships can be disturbing to our peace of mind unless they are established and governed under proper principles.

The nature of relationships is that they lead us into the desire state: we begin to desire another, desire recognition, desire retribution, desire a particular outcome in a given situation. All of these desires lead us away from the equanimity that we aim to maintain as students of the iChing. This hexagram often comes as a sign that you are in danger of sacrificing your composure in an effort to affect a relationship.

When someone does not treat you as you would like, you are faced with a choice as to what to do. While it may be tempting to abandon the relationship in anger or act aggressively to a produce a result, neither of these is consistent with proper principles. You are counseled instead to return to inner independence, acceptance, modesty, and gentleness. The greatest influence is always had through inner discipline and balance; less subtle measures may produce more immediate results, but they are seldom long lasting.

This hexagram also teaches us that rushing into a relationship, rushing to resolve a relationship, or rushing to escape a relationship are all akin to rushing on ice: each invites a painful fall. Seek to establish relationships slowly and on proper principles, to allow them to evolve naturally, and to resolve disputes with patience and reserve. If your primary relationship – that with the Sage – is open and ongoing and devoted, then all other relationships will fall into place.

Fouth line: A good result comes in it own time. Do not waste yourself in trying to hurry it. The greatest gifts come to those who remain composed and patient.

Sixth: Correct conduct is empty unless our hearts are also devoted. Success is only possible when we abandon our own agendas and follow the way of the Sage.


The Sun

Be still, lesson the power of the ego, and misfortune will be avoided.

It is a fact of life that times of decrease come upon us: our resources are limited, difficulty surrounds us, and our egos generate angry and unhappy emotions. Nonetheless, such times are good for us. If we respond to them by quieting our egos and turning sincerely to the High Power for help, we emerge from the period of decrease stronger, healthier, and wiser.

When we discover that we are unable to achieve our goals, our egos become infuriated. We are tempted to harden into anger and bitterness, to lash out, to desperately and aggressively grab for control over the situation. If we do this, however, we only push our own salvation further away.

The I Ching counsels a withdrawal into stillness now. The image is that of a spring reverting to the inside of the mountain during a time of drought. By returning to its quiet center during the time of decrease, it avoids evaporating and exhausting itself in vain. You would be wise to follow this example. To try to force progress by arguing, manipulating, or making excuses will only bring your own downfall. Instead, disengage from your inferior elements – however passionately they seek expression – and turn to the Sage for guidance and assistance. The hexagram Sun issues a call to sacrifice negative feelings, accept the powerlessness of the ego against the currents of life, and return to contemplation of the principles of the Sage. In stillness and meditation we enrich the higher parts of ourselves and thus bring an end to the time of decrease.



 And Aaron's:

Retreat is not the same this as surrender, capitulation, or abandonment, which are desperate and unsatisfying measures. Neither is it characterized by a hardening into angry or punitive emotions. It is instead an acceptance and a choice: we calmly accept that the energies of the moment are against us, and we wisely choose to withdraw into the safety of stillness. In this dignified and balanced manner we protect ourselves from negative influences and arrive rested in a more beneficial hour.


  • Current Music

Life in Sophomore Year

I haven't updated in forever. I haven't been on live journal forever, either. Yet I should somehow post something.

I have no time anymore! I'm delving deeply into my major. This means that I spend my days studying the reasoning and theory behind ethical decisions, personality psychology where we foe-treat our fake patients, editing, where I rip apart creative work and see why some stuff works and others doesn't, honor's history, which has an immense reading list and 10 papers due, and oceanography: my stupid science credit.

Needless to say, I'm busy :/ and also have no time to process the information I'm learning.

When I'm not studying (rare), I now have friends in Indianapolis, and a boyfriend - Aaron. This makes me really happy, because it is such a great relationship with two balanced people. Balanced people are good. I am over unbalanced people. It's an interesting process figuring out pacing and timing, especially when it's two adult college students with busy, hectic schedules.

It's good to be back in Indianapolis, even though I did spend my summer doing and seeing incredible things. I traveled to Ireland, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Greece, all while studying in France. I learned a lot, in all sorts of fields, but maybe more than anything, I learned about myself.

I'm hoping I can touch base with livejournal again, since this is a window to my past. I can look back and say, woah, this is where I was coming from?

About to have Aaron over for quiche. Had an amazing night last night, where he picked me up, dressed up, and took me to a nice Morrocan cafe. We went out swing dancing, which was so much fun it was crazy. He can be really serious sometimes, and it was great to see him lighten up and laugh a lot. He can jump over a car! We went back to his place where he played guitar and we watched youtube comedy, and then went to CVS at 2am with his brother to try and find something to make. I came back and made the boys pasta and watched A Knight's Tale. I fell asleep next to him on his couch sometime around 4am, and he took me home around 11 this morning. Things are good :)
  • Current Mood
    groggy groggy

day 29 → hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

I was doing such a great job with updating this. Then my busy life hit me in the face and I've half-assed it. So I'm really going to do this one, honestly.

The next year takes me up until slightly past my 20th birthday.

I plan to finish out this semester with my 4.0 still intact, although French could kill this idea. I'm going to get better at dance - lots of practice - and learn how to do at least one crazy lindy hop move. I plan on breaking Lent over spring break when I celebrate my b-day at home with a Dairy Queen cake. This summer, I'm going to chill with friends, garden, explore, and create lots of art. At the end of June, I'm flying to Paris for four days, spending 3 weeks in Strasbourg in France, and flying to Casablanca and spending another 3 weeks taking pictures on a beach for my job :)

After that, I plan on returning back to this incredible school where I'm spending time with people I really care about.

I hope that I let everybody that I care about know how much they mean to me. I hope that I can scrape a good grade in French. I hope my memory gets better, and I hope I don't mess up terribly on my dance final. I hope I can deal with things that need to be dealt with, I hope I can be there for anybody who needs me, I hope I don't break anybody's heart, and I hope I am a good friend. I hope I can love without restraint for the first time.

I dream about running through Paris, wearing a big hat and sunglasses in Morocco. I dream that I can be loved for who I am, whoever that is. I dream about the lilacs at home in April, and I hope I can see them. I dream about my pets and how much I miss Piper's puppy feet smell. I dream about warm weather and sunshine and lake water and skipping stones in my creek.

I know that this year will turn out and unfold in whatever way it is meant to :)
  • Current Music
    Long December - Counting Crows

day 28 → this year, in great detail


I'm not doing this, again. Just read the other entries. About a page down I posted 2009 in review... that can serve as this entry.

I'm loving college. The lack of updates is a great thing; I am living my life instead of journaling about it. Tonight I'm going out to Oceannaire (yay!) and swing dancing.... will be epic.

Julia is coming next Friday!!!!!!! I am beyond excited, I miss her like crazy. It's hard, going from being around a person all day to never seeing them.

It's weird, not being home for my birthday. I mean, it's not like it is a big deal at home. But still, it makes me think of my parents and how much I miss them. Both of them. College has changed our relationship is such a great way.
  • Current Music
    Muse - Uprising