1.) Opening Credits: Cool Blue Reason - Cake <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OwVcyxWl4FQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OwVcyxWl4FQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

2.) Waking up: Wada Na Tod – Lata Mangeshkar <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IEmbhtywyMI&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IEmbhtywyMI&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

3.) First Day of School: Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/OZtQh5EIgWQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/OZtQh5EIgWQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>  

I have often drowned myself in a cup of coffee. Not the giant 24-oz size from Starbucks, but the tiny little demitasse cups that only pretentious people drink. I am not pretentious. Don’t judge me.

The sea of coffee is a perpetual storm of questions. I suppose everybody asks themselves deep questions, but I get lost in them. Even when I go out with friends, that pesky little coffee cup has me asking questions that appear to come out of nowhere.

Let’s go back to the pretentious trait. I wrote that I drink espresso, which only pretentious people drink, yet I am not pretentious. Am I pretentious because earlier I wrote an absolute? If I wrote it, what if I wrote something else, like only lazy unemployed people drink espresso? Then I could have said I wasn’t pretentious, and you might have believed me, even though it would have no context. But now, even though I told you not to judge me, you believe I am pretentious.

Curious, isn’t it?

So let’s say we are all “authors of our own lives”. I can say that I am kind, loving, and caring, and if I honestly believe that, I’ll write myself to be kind, loving, and caring. Yet, if I am an author, then I must write myself in an antithesis. An enemy, a contradiction, a conflict. My flip side. But, that is me actively determining who is my opposite, which therefore I am judging myself based on claims that I wrote. Which can be contradicted by an outside judgement, which doesn’t exist.

Right?

So in reality, absolutes don’t exist, and reality is what you make it. It’s all a manner of perception. Couldn’t it be that this is a dream… that our story and life really is just that: a story? Which we are writing?

See?

My coffee cup has a lot to tell me. Instead of pretentious, I am nonsensical.

So you’ve decided that success is for the birds. Life is too overwhelming, too simple, and too contradictory. When you have been taught your whole life the methods of success, what do you do now that you want to fail? You keep trying to avoid life, but it keeps creeping back up. There are some basic concepts you must do in order to become, in modern lingo, an epic failure.

Do not take care of yourself

The first step to failure is health. You don’t need to be diagnosed with a terminal illness in order to make your health detrimental! Start with the basics. Eat as much grease, fat, and sugar as possible, and ensure that every meal includes pork fat. Avoid fruits and vegetables like the plague, because they ward off disease. Next, move as little as possible: any movement more complicated than lifting the remote burns too many calories. Because you’ll be moving as little as possible, stop taking showers and getting dressed in clean clothes.

Avoid people

This should be easy because you smell so bad. If somebody does visit you, constantly compare yourself to them. Look them up and down, and think that they have so much to learn. Make a million judgments about everybody, because it will make your life seem so much more dramatic and mortifying. If somebody does become romantically interested in you, quickly become as annoying as possible. Eat their food. Tell them they are worthless. Burp in their presence. The point is to drive them away, because to experience love and compassion is the opposite of failing. Failures, like psychopaths, cannot love.

Do not learn from your mistakes. In fact, do not learn at all.

Success is about expanding your horizons and advancing through life. In order to insure this never happens, it is fundamental to stop learning. You must admit, you have lived up until this point, so no doubt you have experienced some successes and failures. The first step in learning to unlearn is to list your bad sides: so now you are an addict, a gambler, a debtor, a wife beater, a chauvinistic pig. Then think of every compliment you’ve ever heard. Forget them immediately, and delude yourself into believing these people were insane when they told you such positive things. Go back to your list of negative attributes: embrace and bask in your pessimistic side. Note: The biggest mistake you could make at this point is learning from other’s mistakes: being a failure and being wise are paradoxical.

After you have stopped learning from experiences, next you must close off your mind to new information. God forbid you have a curious mind that likes knowledge – this is a travesty that will lead you straight to success. Do not learn your history, your government or the world’s secrets. I repeat: it is vital to shut your mind down.

Never be on time

The best way to miss out on life is to never show up for it. If you have an appointment (you shouldn’t, you should be in bed), be late or don’t go at all. People hate those who show up unexpectedly, and eventually your friends will stop inviting you to anything. If your friends still like you enough to invite you to a birthday party, forget the party. Make up excuses, like you had an RPG game online that needed attending to.

Have no idea how to handle money

If you have money when you decide to be a failure, spend it as fast as possible on things like alcohol, Doritos, and video games. When there is no money, get a credit card and max it out. Eventually, the debt collectors will come to get you, making your life overflowing with failure. Perhaps you have a job, maybe even a nice one. In this instance, quit immediately, and select one of the following career paths:

A.      A collector of anime figurines

B.      A fortune teller

C.      Anything that involves wearing a paper hat

Choosing one of these careers is an infallible way to maintain your debt and increase your reputation as a deadbeat. Save nothing. You hate life: why would you want security?

Give up

This is not Lent we are talking about here. If you feel like cutting out the middle man and failing right away, giving up is the simplest way to do it. So you had dreams of being an actor, a doctor, a CEO or an astronaut – to be any of those things would be a personal success. Do not try in any way to become who you wanted to be, because the act of trying will make you succeed. Never take any risks or try anything new, because you’ll invariably learn something from it.

Your new mantra should be: “Life hates me. I will never succeed.” Say this every time you feel motivated, and eventually it will come naturally.

It has been 11 weeks since I have updated... That takes us back to about the beginning of February.

In that time, I have turned 18, traveled to Paris and figured out what I want to do with my life. One could say it has been a busy eleven weeks.

Presently, I am photocopying pages from Barron's AP Economics study guide, and staying home from school to do so. Yes, my attendance is shit anyway. I've got three AP tests next week, tons of other things going on, and graduation in 3 weeks.

I'm terrified. I know where my life is going to go, it's just the steps it takes to get there that are scary. I'm not taking the normal route. Right out of high school, you are supposed to live in a dorm, supposed to have roommates and go to parties, supposed to have a protective bubble between you and reality. I'm taking The Road Less Traveled, and living in Indianapolis in an apartment by myself. And my cat.

You don't really know what the nest is until you are about to leave it.

So where is my life going? I have goals, and lots of them. When I went to France, I had the most overwhelming feeling of comfort. Peace. Serenity. Home. I've never really felt that. I've always been a wanderer... where's the next adventure? Where do I fit in this world? Apparently, the answer is in France. But France is another post.

I'm heading off to IUPUI, to major in English but taking courses in photography, biology, math, international business, world history, psychology, and journalism. I plan on taking a full four years of French and study abroad for a whole year, hopefully at the Sorbonne in Paris. I know it's a lot to do. But I think since I am doing what I love, it will be easier than expected.

From there, I want to transfer to Notre Dame and get my master's at a French college. My main mission right now is to become a journalist in France; an expat.

Well, I don't know if I'll use lj or not anymore.... I still get on to check out my friend's pages, but I rarely have time to update, and I don't know if I will have time.

The future looms ahead with almighty power,

Choices unfolding each week and hour,

Doors creak open yet others slam shut,

We wander around blindly, stuck in a rut.

But which to choose – the left or the right?

Does one lead to light, the other to night?

Pick one or the other or go nowhere at all,

For inaction is the cause of all great falls.

The problem it seems is a problem we make,

The root of all sadness and the bottom of heartbreak.

Taking the path of refusing to fail,

Nobody ever chases their tails.

Some things can wait, and some things can’t,

Remember- not all flowers are perennial plants.

Look inside and trust yourself,

And the path will essentially choose itself.